{"id":927,"date":"2026-02-09T07:55:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-09T06:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.aumental.be\/parent-dathlete-coach-malgre-lui\/"},"modified":"2026-10-12T22:11:14","modified_gmt":"2026-10-12T20:11:14","slug":"parent-dathlete-coach-malgre-lui","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/en\/parent-dathlete-coach-malgre-lui\/","title":{"rendered":"Sports parent: a coach in spite of themselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

A sports parent can become a \u201ccoach in spite of themselves\u201d without realising it. When support turns into pressure, the athlete's motivation and confidence can tip over. Discover the signs\u2026 and how to correct them.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Case analysis <\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

A parent constantly gives instructions during competitions, shouts technical corrections, criticises tactical choices and goes to see the coach to tell them what to change.<\/p>\n

After the match, the athlete gets into the car. They are still \u201cin the match\u201d: body tense, eyes averted. The parent, sincerely wanting to help, starts with a simple line: \u201cSo, how was it? What was that match about?\u201d The athlete answers vaguely or not at all. The parent insists: \u201cYou lost again today\u2026\u201d. Silence. The car fills with invisible tension. The athlete shuts down even more.<\/p>\n

The parent goes on: \u201cToday you didn't touch the ball as much as usual. I don't understand why you don't ask for the ball more often. You had more chances to score than the others. You need to be more aggressive in your game and more confident.\u201d<\/p>\n

At home, the atmosphere is cold. The next day, nobody mentions the match again\u2026 but the athlete understands that their parent is disappointed in them. They feel misunderstood, find it unfair and, on top of that, feel incompetent. It affects their confidence and self-esteem. The following week, the young athlete was not motivated to play the next match.<\/p>\n

What happened?<\/h4>\n

This scene sums up an example of the \u201cparent who coaches in spite of themselves\u201d: not a parent who wants control, but a parent who, without meaning to, creates a climate where the athlete feels evaluated rather than supported. The parent takes the coach's place and \u201csteers\u201d the match, which can make the child feel the project no longer belongs to them. The athlete may also associate mistakes with parental disappointment, and play to avoid criticism rather than to progress.<\/p>\n

*This case is presented for illustration. It is a fictional situation, built from elements of several situations, and does not reflect any identifiable person or family.<\/em><\/p>\n

A young athlete's well-being<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

What weighs most on a young athlete's motivation and well-being is not only what the parent thinks they are doing, but what the athlete perceives. When the athlete perceives autonomy support (listening, respect, room for choice, explanation), motivation is more autonomous and more lasting. As a result they will have more enjoyment and more perseverance (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Conversely, when they perceive control (pressure, criticism, comparisons, obsession with results), motivation becomes more \u201ccontrolled\u201d. They will tend to play to avoid disappointing, to be validated or out of fear of reproach (Deci & Ryan, 2000).<\/p>\n

The trap: control isn't only expressed through words. It also comes through timing (in the heat of the moment), tone, looks, sighs and body tension. The athlete doesn't receive a speech: they receive a climate.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n

The 3 moments when the parent becomes a \u201ccoach\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n

The shift from \u201csupporting \u2192 coaching\u201d often happens at three very specific moments:<\/p>\n