{"id":924,"date":"2026-02-16T07:55:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-16T06:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.aumental.be\/quand-je-veux-reussir-devient-je-dois-te-faire-plaisir\/"},"modified":"2026-10-12T22:11:13","modified_gmt":"2026-10-12T20:11:13","slug":"quand-je-veux-reussir-devient-je-dois-te-faire-plaisir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/en\/quand-je-veux-reussir-devient-je-dois-te-faire-plaisir\/","title":{"rendered":"When \u201cI want to succeed\u201d becomes \u201cI have to please you\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-43 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>As the parent of a young athlete, you may already have thought: \u201cThey are motivated, they work hard, they want to succeed.\u201d And that's true. But there is a more subtle and often invisible reality: a young person can seem very motivated\u2026 while playing under pressure. A quieter pressure: the need to make you proud. And when that shift sets in, enjoyment drops, anxiety rises and motivation becomes fragile. Not necessarily today. But over time.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-44\" id=\"h-analyse-de-cas\"><em>Case analysis<\/em><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-45 wp-block-paragraph\">During the match, you are among the parents around the pitch. You cheer, you watch, you just want to \u201cbe there\u201d. And yet there is a detail you end up noticing because it keeps happening.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-46 wp-block-paragraph\">Your child is playing\u2026 but looking for you.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-47 wp-block-paragraph\">After a good pass: they turn their head. A split second.<br \/>After a mistake: they turn their head again.<br \/>After winning a challenge: the same. Like a reflex.<br \/>Even when play continues, even when they should already be back in position\u2026 they look at you.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-48 wp-block-paragraph\">That look is far from trivial. It isn't a tactical look. It is a look asking for something deeper: validation.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-49 wp-block-paragraph\">And sometimes you can feel it in their game too. They exaggerate a move. They rush. They force a \u201cspectacular\u201d action. They make a decision they wouldn't usually make. As if, beyond the match, they were also playing for something else: your reaction.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-50 wp-block-paragraph\">Because when an athlete ends up constantly seeking approval, sport changes nature. They are no longer playing just to progress. They are playing to secure a bond, to keep a look on them, to avoid a silence, so as not to \u201close\u201d something.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-small-font-size wp-elements-51 wp-block-paragraph\"><em>*This case is presented for illustration. It is a fictional situation, built from elements of several situations, and does not reflect any identifiable person or family.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-le-piege-invisible\"><strong><em>The invisible trap<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-52 wp-block-paragraph\">An athlete can be disciplined, serious and demanding\u2026 and still play with a knot in their stomach. We often say they work hard, but that isn't the same as \u201cthey're doing well\u201d. Why? Because discipline can be driven by two very different engines.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-53\"><strong>Motivation that comes from them<\/strong> : your child plays because it means something to them, because they love to progress, because the sport and the dream belong to them. (intrinsic)<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-54\"><strong>Motivation from outside them <\/strong>: your child plays to avoid disappointing, to be validated, so as not to \u201close\u201d your approval, so as not to be \u201cless\u201d. (extrinsic)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-55 wp-block-paragraph\">This distinction is very well described in self-determination theory (Deci &amp; Ryan, 2000). And it changes everything: external motivation can produce good results in the short term\u2026 but it is costly in the long term: tension, fear of mistakes, mental fatigue, loss of enjoyment and potentially injuries due to mental overload.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-56\" id=\"h-pourquoi-ca-marche-au-debut-et-pourquoi-c-est-dangereux\"><strong>Why it \u201cworks\u201d at first (and why it is dangerous)<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-57 wp-block-paragraph\">Because fear is a powerful driver.<br \/>A young person under pressure can train more and demand more of themselves. They can also \u201ckeep up appearances\u201d for a while. But add to that the pressure and everything this child has to do outside their sport (school, friends, fatigue, other problems and worries), and it becomes a disaster. Inside, they learn a rule: \u201cI have to measure up\u2026 or I'll disappoint.\u201d And when performance drops (it happens to everyone), the mind collapses faster. The athlete ends up getting no enjoyment at all and wants to quit.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2400\" height=\"1600\" src=\"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash.webp\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-922\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash.webp 2400w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash-1536x1024.webp 1536w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/tim-mossholder-kvXpFu2l2O0-unsplash-2048x1365.webp 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2400px) 100vw, 2400px\" \/><\/figure>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-58\" id=\"h-les-signaux-d-alerte\"><strong><em>Warning signs<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-59 wp-block-paragraph\">Pressure isn't always visible. You spot it in the details.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-60\" id=\"h-sur-le-terrain\"><strong>On the pitch<\/strong><\/h4>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-61\">Your child becomes more rigid: they play \u201csafe\u201d, try less, dare less.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-62\">They over-control: hesitate, overthink, lose their instinct.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-63\">Mistakes become huge: one missed action is enough to sink the whole match.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-64\">They seem \u201cstrong\u201d but are actually playing with fear.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-65\" id=\"h-a-la-maison\"><strong>At home<\/strong><\/h4>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-66\">Irritability after matches, silence, withdrawal.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-67\">Hypersensitivity to criticism (\u201cyou're attacking me\u201d, \u201cyou don't understand anything\u201d).<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-68\">A need to justify, defend and prove themselves.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-69\">Emotional fatigue: sport = tension, not a breath of fresh air.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-70 wp-block-paragraph\">This isn't fragility. It is a psychological survival system.<\/p>\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-71\" id=\"h-auto-check-motivation-ou-peur-de-decevoir\"><strong>Self-check \u2013 motivation or fear of disappointing?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-72 wp-block-paragraph\"><em>A reflection tool (not a diagnosis). The aim is not to judge, but to identify a feeling and open up an action plan.<br \/><\/em>Read the statements below and count how many feel true, often:<\/p>\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-73\">After a match, I tend to talk quickly about what went wrong.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-74\">I notice my child shuts down when I talk about their performance.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-75\">I have already said (even kindly): \u201cYou can do better \/ you need to pull yourself together.\u201d<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-76\">I feel inner tension when they play (and it may show).<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-77\">I'm afraid they will \u201cwaste their potential\u201d or \u201cmiss out\u201d.<\/li>\n<li class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-78\">I sometimes wonder whether their motivation comes from them\u2026 or from the fear of disappointing.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-79\" id=\"h-lecture-rapide\"><strong>Quick read<\/strong><\/h4>\n<div class=\"wp-block-group is-vertical is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-4fc3f8e1 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-80 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>0\u20131<\/strong> : a rather supportive climate \u2192 you can consolidate it with a few reference points.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-81 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>2\u20133<\/strong> : grey zone \u2192 it often comes down to timing + the type of feedback.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-82 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>4+<\/strong> : likely invisible pressure \u2192 a clear method can really change the atmosphere.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-83 wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you recognise yourself in 2 or more statements, AU MENTAL Academy gives you tools, reference points and a practical method to adjust without feeling guilty.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator alignwide has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<div style=\"height:22px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide size-large is-style-rounded wp-duotone-06066a-ff4747-3\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1863\" height=\"172\" src=\"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-916\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801.png 1863w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801-300x28.png 300w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801-1024x95.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801-768x71.png 768w, https:\/\/www.aumental.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/Capture-decran-2026-02-09-010801-1536x142.png 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1863px) 100vw, 1863px\" \/><\/figure>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-et-maintenant-qu-est-ce-qu-on-en-fait\"><strong><em>So now what do we do?<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-84 wp-block-paragraph\">If you recognised some of the signs in this article, the look seeking approval, the fear of mistakes, the invisible tension setting in,<mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"> the point is not to feel guilty<\/mark>. The point is to take them seriously, because they give valuable information: the engine may be starting to shift. And the earlier we spot them, the easier it is to readjust.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-85 wp-block-paragraph\">What is important to understand is that there are methods to work on this. Practical, structured methods adapted to real-life sport. And that is exactly why we created <a href=\"\/en\/au-mental-academy\/\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">AU MENTAL Academy<\/mark><\/a><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">.<\/mark><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-la-ou-l-article-s-arrete-et-ou-au-mental-academy-commence\"><strong><em>Where the article ends\u2026 and AU MENTAL Academy begins<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-86 wp-block-paragraph\">For years, in our work with athletes, we have observed the same thing: it isn't a lack of love that damages a journey, it's a lack of reference points at sensitive moments. And above all, parental support is not the same at every stage of a career: at the beginning (initiation), as the athlete grows (development), then as they approach high level or become elite. The role, the stance and the needs evolve, and the family environment must evolve with them.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-87 wp-block-paragraph\">AU MENTAL Academy was designed for exactly that: helping parents become a steady pillar, able to support at the right level, at the right time, with a clear stance. Our team relies on a multidisciplinary approach: psychologists, sport psychologists, field experts, and also people who know the reality of high-level sport from the inside. The goal is simple: to give you a reliable method to support your child without turning sport into pressure, and to know how to spot what is going on in them\u2026 and in you.<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-88\" id=\"h-ce-que-dit-la-recherche\"><strong>What the research says <\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-89 wp-block-paragraph\">And this approach is not based on \u201cgut feeling\u201d: it is consistent with what research shows. Where many parents go wrong is thinking that what matters most is their intention. But what really carries weight is the child's perception. Work with young elite athletes shows that parental behaviours perceived as supportive are associated with more autonomous (intrinsic) motivation, and that the child's perception predicts their motivation better than what parents say they do (Marcotte, 2018). A recent thesis points in the same direction: parental autonomy support is associated with athletes' well-being (Lemelin, 2023). And an essential point: aiming for performance does not require more control, quite the opposite. In one reported context, coaches trained in autonomy support won 31% more medals than those who were not (Cheon et al., 2015, cited in Lemelin, 2023). <\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-90 wp-block-paragraph\">If you want to go further, <strong>AU MENTAL Academy is open<\/strong>. This is where we turn these findings into a method: reference points, guided situations and structured support to help your child reach their full potential.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-91 wp-block-paragraph\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"><strong>Registration is open now: join AU MENTAL Academy via this <\/strong><\/mark><a href=\"\/en\/au-mental-academy\/\"><strong><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">link<\/mark>.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n<div style=\"height:27px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-references-bibliographiques\"><strong>References<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-92 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Bandura<\/strong>, <strong>A. (1997).<\/strong> <em>Self-efficacy: The exercise of control.<\/em> W. H. Freeman.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-93 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Cheon, S. H., Reeve, J., Lee, Y., &amp; Lee, J. (2015).<\/strong> (Study cited in Lemelin, 2023, on autonomy-support training and performance at the Paralympic Games).<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-94 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Deci, E. L., &amp; Ryan, R. M. (2000).<\/strong> The \u201cwhat\u201d and \u201cwhy\u201d of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. <em>Psychological Inquiry, 11<\/em>(4), 227\u2013268.<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-95 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Lemelin, \u00c9. (2023). <\/strong><em>Doctoral thesis<\/em> (on interpersonal style, autonomy support and sporting development).<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-96 wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Marcotte, C. (2018)<\/strong>. <em>Elite sport in children: motivation and the contribution of parents<\/em> (Doctorate in psychology, D.Psy.).<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As the parent of a young athlete, you may already have thought: \u201cThey are motivated, they work hard, they want to succeed.\u201d And that's true. But there is a more subtle and often invisible reality: a young person can seem very motivated\u2026 while playing under pressure. A quieter pressure: the need to make you proud. And when that shift sets in, enjoyment drops, anxiety rises and motivation becomes fragile. Not necessarily today. But over time.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":923,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[30,35,46],"class_list":["post-924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-journal-des-champions","tag-coaching-mental","tag-equilibre","tag-sante-et-bien-etre"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Quand \u00ab je veux r\u00e9ussir \u00bb devient \u00ab je dois te faire plaisir \u00bb - AU MENTAL<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Un jeune peut sembler tr\u00e8s motiv\u00e9\u2026 tout en jouant sous pression. 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